thoughts

The Pain

thoughts — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 10:02:24 +0000

Nakakainis talaga itong month na to para sa akin.. Hay naku nakakapagod na! Sa buong linggo ng buwan na ito walang ibang ginawa ang aking pakner kundi gumimick kasama ang officemates o di kaya barkada.. Minsan sinabi ko sa sarili ko kailan kaya sya magbabago kapag patay na ako o kapag wala na akong trabaho? Anyway i really try my best para hindi ako magalit sa kanya o hindi kami magtalo kaso hindi ko talaga mapigilan ang sarili ko na magalit. Kapag ako ay naiinis mas gugustuhin ko na wag mo akong kausapin at kapag kinausap mo ako ang sasabihin ko sa yo "Huwag mo akong kakausapin kung ayaw mong magsermon ako sa yo" pero sadya atang may taong makulit kaya hayun nagsesermon tuloy ako pero after kong mailabas ang galit ko sa kanya syempre kalmado na naman ako inshort ok na ulit kami. Tapos ang nakakainis pa don mag propromise sya na hindi nya na uulitin eto na naman ang friday at saturday gimmick ulit sya.. kaya inis na ins na ako. One time sinubukan kong pumunta sa birthday ng friend ko at kinabukasan na ako umuwi i felt so bad kasi sabi sa akin ng nanay ng pakner ko hindi makatulog ang baby ko kasi hinahanap ako (ang bad ko noh) Bakit kaya ganon yung mga boys/guys walang kunsyensya kapag gumigumick? Anyway siguro talagang ganon ang mga boys/guys gusto nila talagang gumimick. Gusto ko mang habaan ang pisi ko hindi ko talaga kaya. Sometimes i wish bawasan na yung love ko sa kanya para hindi na ako magalit o mag-alala everytime na gumigimick sya pero kapag iniisip ko ang baby ko nandon na yung sinasabi ko sa sarili ko kailangan kong maging matatag para sa kanya. Whatever happens basta kasama ako baby ko kakayanin ko. The pain in my heart is still here but as long as i see my son smiling at me happy na rin ako.

If only GUYS knew....

thoughts — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 10:31:29 +0000

1. That sometimes it doesn't really matter how a guylooks, it's the vibes that matters.

2. That most of the time, girls can't remember how aguy really looks like,just maybe his voice...or his eyes...or his smile.

3. That if you can make a girl laugh, you are "IN".Girls would rather spend their time laughing and talking to an ugly guy than bear with a non-interesting, pea-brained, humorless Baldwin. - oonga!

4. That guys and girls can be just FRIENDS and not necessarily MORE than that. Sometimes guys are perceived only as friends and unwelcome lovers.

5. That it's not entirely easy for girls to reject guys.

6. And that it's not the guy's fault when he's rejected.

7. That when a when a girl says "NO"; by golly, she MEANS it!

8. That girls don't really appreciate being called "babe" or "chio bu" or "chickababes" or "chicks" in their presence.

9. That it's not the girl's fault if she's not automatically perfect - meaning, so what if she's horizontally- challenged? READ: Fat!

10. That it's a fact of life that guys mature three years behind girls (hey, girls DO mature faster than guys do!)

11. That most of the time (actually ALL the time), girls appreciate it when guys act like gentlemen - like the opening-of-the-car-doors kind of thing.-TRUE

12. That certain girls are acutely aware when guys are teasing each other about certain girls (especially when those 'certain girls' are right there).

13. That when guys act like gays (as in joke around), girls get chills down their spines even if it's all fake.

14. That the smell of sweat and Polo Sport isn't exactly considered "SEXY".

15. That it's really impolite to stare at girls no matter how sexy or skinny the girl is (hey, you don't see girls openly staring at guys! There is such a word as SUBTLE!)

16. That it doesn't take 2 minutes for a girl to look beautiful - it takes a much longer period of time. (Admit it, it's worth the wait?)

17. That when girls act really bitchy, it's just one of those days...like a specific period of time in a month.

18. That when girls don't say anything when they're with guys, it doesn't mean that they don't know anything...or don't LISTEN.

19. That when guys talk, girls listen; and when girls talk, they expect the same amount of interest and attention.

20. That is a guy can turn off their emotions like faucets, well...girls CAN'T!

21. That when guys say they'll call, they'd better!

22. That tardiness doesn't exactly make a good impression on girls.

23. That it's impossible for girls to go to the ladies' room alone; they have to go in little groups. (Now, don't ask why...they just have to.)

24. That smoking is tolerable, but continuous smoke being blown in your face isn't.

25. That they dig their own graves when they make insensitive remarks about girls.

26. That when guys act like complete 'assholes', girls almost always end up forgiving them (it's what you call 'compassion') But forgiveness isn't easy you know, you have to go through that "down on bended knees" things.

27. That maybe it's about time guys write something about the things they wish gals knew...

A FEW TIPS:

1. It doesn't matter how expensive a present you get her, if she loves you, anything you give will be precious.

2. Women only go astray when they aren't getting enough of what they need from the fella back home, on the other hand, men will go astray anyway.

3. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. A 5-minute call to someone who loves you is all it takes to brighten up her day.(yihee! kahit isang txt msglang)

4. When a gal tells you that she needs to talk to you, it isn't always bad news. Women just need to talk, it's an escape mechanism. When she STOPS talking to you start worrying. *Grin*

5. When you say you'll call, the girl expects you to call. When a gal says she'll call, she will. - oops!

6. Women need verbal assurance more than guys do.

7. A secure woman would rather give you the benefit of the doubt. An insecure woman will make mountains out of molehills.

8. If a gal suddenly starts to ignore you, think over you actions the last 24 hours for the answer.

Lesson from my parents

thoughts — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 10:19:39 +0000

Hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga mumunti ngunit ginituang butil ng payo na nakuha ko sa aking mga magulang.

Kaya heto, aking ise-share sa inyo:

1.Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas! Mga leche kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay.

2.Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay.Kapag yang mantsa di nagtanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!

3.Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC.Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko.

4.At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto MORE LOGIC.Kapag ikaw ay nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang magisa ang manonood ng sine.

5.Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ag ibig sabihin ng IRONY.Sige ngumalngal ka pa at bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!

6.Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang CONTORTIONISM.Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tingnan mo!!!

7.Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng STAMINA.Wag kang tatayo dyan hanggat di mo natatapos yang lahat ng pagkain mo!

8.At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung ano ang WEATHER.Lintek talaga kayo, ano ba itong kwarto nyong magkapatid, parang dinaanan ng bagyo!

9.Ganito ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay tungkol sa CIRCLE OF LIFE:Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong to, maaari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito.

10.Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.Tumigil ka nga dyan! Huwag kang mag-inarte na parang Nanay mo!

11.Si Inay naman ang nagturo kung anong ibig sabihin ng GENETICS.Nagmana ka ngang talaga sa ama mong walanghiya!

12. Si Inay naman ang nagpliwanag sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng ENVY.Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang, di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?

13. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng ANTICIPATION.Sige lang!, antayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay!

14. Si Itay naman ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng RECEIVING.Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!

15. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa aking kung ano ang HUMOR.Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawnmower, wag na wag kang tatakbo sakin at lulumpuhin kita!

16. At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat, natutunan ko kina Inay at Itay kung ano ang JUSTICE.Isang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak, tiyak magiging katulad mo at magiging pasakit din sa ulo!

Long time NO POST! "Take The Time to Enjoy Each Day...... "

thoughts — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 11:22:32 +0000

Its been a long time since i post in my blog. Same old reason "im busy" like some bloggers do. Anyways, i want to share something for all of you... hope you will like this one. It's a nice thoughts i received from my friend "forward message"

Take The Time to Enjoy Each Day......

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back.

From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible. How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed?

Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched Jeopardy! on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gasp and stammer, "I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It's Monday."

She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect:

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Stevie toilet-trained.

We'll entertain-when we replace the living-room carpet.

We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer.

One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on" and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit."

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas.

Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my hips with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process.

The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to......not something on your SHOULD DO list.

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Make sure you read this to the end; you will understand why I sent this to you.

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round Or listened to the rain lapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. Do you run through each day on the fly?

When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, Do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?

Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say "Hi"?

You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift....Thrown away... Life is not a race. Take it slower.

Hear the music before the song is over.

Who Dunnit?

thoughts — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 11:40:24 +0000

This is story about the four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done, and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could to it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody, when actually Nobody accused Anybody

Remembering Braveheart

thoughts — Thu, 07 Apr 2005 15:03:55 +0000

"BNARIL C ISAIAS. PATAY NA." I received this text message from a friend at 10:30 p.m. on April 28 and slumped into numb shock. The airconditioning in the fast food chain that humid night sunk into a sickening chill. Isaias was gone, the dissident exile from Mindoro who tirelessly trekked around in his cap, rubber slippers, and hunched, lean frame. Isaias, who risked sojourns throughout numerous sites of struggle, armed only with a guitar, the strongest of principles, and the humblest of words. BY LISA CARIÑO ITO Bulatlat.com

Appreciating Our Past

thoughts — Wed, 30 Mar 2005 15:12:31 +0000

It is easy to be negative about past mistakes and unhappiness. But it is much more healing to look at ourselves and our past in the light of experience, acceptance, and growth.
Our past is a series of lessons that advance us to higher levels of living and loving. The relationships we entered, stayed in, or ended taught us necessary lessons.
Some of us have emerged from the most painful circumstances with strong insights about who we are and what we want. Our mistakes? Necessary. Our frustrations, failures, and sometimes stumbling attempts at growth and progress? Necessary too. Each step of the way, we learned. We went through exactly the experiences we need to, to become who we are today. Each step of the way, we progressed. Is our past a mistake? No. The only mistake we can make is mistaking that for the truth.
Today, God, help me let go of negative thoughts I may be harboring about my past circumstances or relationships. I can accept, with gratitude, all that has brought me to today.

The Love Problem: Who is Mr. Right?

thoughts — Tue, 29 Mar 2005 17:00:55 +0000

There are times when the one thing you want is the one thing you never gets. Why do we have to SUFFER? Why do we have to CRY when someone bids us goodbye? Why do we beginning have an END? WHY DO WE HAVE TO MEET ONLY TO SAY GOODBYE IN THE END???

In a relationship one of the hardest things to do is SAYING GOODBYE and LETTING GO. It is hard to breaking crystal, because you’ll never know when you will be able to PICK UP the pieces again. More often than not they go feel not the pain of parting. It is they who stays behind that suffer because they are left with memories of a love that wasn’t meant to be.

SOMETIMES we make WRONG DECISION to choose WHO is MR. RIGHT?. Because sometimes OUR FEELINGS is WRONG, RIGHT?. "Kung SINO pa yung TUNAY nagmamahal at nagmamalasakit sayo yun pa ang nababaliwala". Kapag nasaktan kana, niloko, pinaglaruan at ginamit saka mo mare - realized yung taong binaliwala at pinagtabuyan mo.

You dumped like a GARBAGE. We must admit that almost SUITOR’S are GREAT PRETENDER, RIGHT? THINK? They pretend to be someone, to be perfect for you and to be the best in your eyes. Do you experience that? They pretend just to empress you then after HE gets your SWEET "YES" or "OO" wala lalabas na ang TUNAY na KULAY. TAMA? Ang pagsisisi laging nasa HULI. If you really LOVE someone don’t pretend, BE TRUE TO YOUR SELF. And if you are really looking for a MR. RIGHT, you must THINK for how many times before you decide and make final decision. DON’T GO for LOOKS, it can DECEIVE and don’t GO for WEALTH even that FADES AWAY. Go for someone who makes you COMPLETE. Sometimes we are "MANHID" kung sino pa yung alam natin nagmamalasakit at magmamahal sa atin ng tapat at wagas yun pa ang ating binabaliwala, mas pipiliin natin yung di pala karapat – dapat mahalin.

And one thing I want to clear and remind you. COURTSHIP, don’t depend on how long (TAGAL) or short (BILIIS) HE COURTED YOU. THINK and FEEL? Who is really TRUE TO HIS SELF and TRUE to his INTENTION to love you truly? BE WISE TO CHOOSE.

Remember this:

IS YOUR LOSS NOT THE GUY. At the beginning and at the end of a relationship we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem but that’s the way love goes. That’s the drama, the bitter sweet and risk of falling in love. After all nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without us knowing when, without us knowing how, without us knowing why. And we must forget not because we want to but because we want to because we have too. Kapag WALA na yung taong MAGMAMAHAL sayo ng TAPAT, TUNAY at WAGAS saka mo hahanapin HULI NA kasi nagpaka – "TANGA KA".

Remember this:

TRUE PERSON and TRUE LOVE is very very very very very very very veryn …DIFFICULT TO FIND and HAVE in our LIFE. If you want TO BE A GREAT FOOL for the REST of your LIFE and LOVE LIFE, SO BE IT. ENJOY! Is your GREAT LOSS, gusto mo ba yung AFTER KA MAGAMIT you dumped like a GARBAGE TOO like what you’ve done to the RIGHT PERSON who COURTED YOU and TRUE TO YOU. Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to suffer if it would mean happiness for others. We have to CRY temporarily and let go of the pains. Every beginning has its end like every dawn has dusk. It something we can’t control, it’s just something we have to live up. There are questions left unanswered, words left unsaid, letters left unread, poems left undone, songs left unsung, love left unexpressed and promise left unfulfilled. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath you take always reminds you of a TRUE PERSON and TRUE LOVE, reminds you that why I am such a great fool "TANGA". Why I make a wrong decision to choose who is MR. RIGHT.

It’s OVER… now I am GONE… but life has to go on. GOODBYE doesn’t always mean FOREVER. There will always be a place and time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited at night, songs will be sung in harmony and love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled.

SOMEDAY… SOMEWHERE… SOMEHOW… I am TRUE TO MY SELF. I don’t need to PRETEND to EMPRESS YOU. WHY SHOULD I? Because when I do that I need to keep that standard for the REST OF MY LIFE. I don’t need to invent a whole new just to get your attention to notice me. I want the GIRL LIKE and ACEPT ME, LOVE ME who really I am. I don’t want to LIE for the REST OF MY LIFE.

So I’m very FINE just the way I AM and I’m fine being TRUE TO MY SELF. Now, YOU dumped like a GARBAGE TOO. MASAKIT BA? Now, Do you experienced to be HURT. MASAKIT BA? Now, YOU FOOLED by you partner, your lover. MASAKIT BA? Di ka sana ginawang PANG PORMA sa mga tao, sa mga friends nya at kung kanikanino. MASAKIT DI BA? Only you can decide what you want. If you’re happy GUY’S fooling you. If you’re happy with the life you’re leading, so be it. ENJOY! YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO BE A "FOOL" for your WHOLE LIFE, WOULD YOU??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"My Bestfriend" a UP Creative writing contest

thoughts — Mon, 28 Mar 2005 13:27:04 +0000

Below is the winning piece in the latest contest sa UP Creative writing contest.

its been 4 months since i saw him and talagang namimiss ko na siya... pero what can i do? it seems that i have loved the wrong person.... but still the pain keeps on hurting me and kung walang magbibigay ng gamot para dito sa nararamdaman ko.... baka mamatay na ako....

to give you a background about my life, everthing seems to be fine except dun sa time na dumating na sa buhay ko yung hinayupak na lalake na yon.... hehehehe.... kung curious kayo about dun sa guy... bestfriend ko po yon kaso lang iba na ang nangyari as time passes by.....

classmate ko sya nung highschool. pards pa nga ang tawagan namen.... o db ang sweet? di na ako iba sa kanya and ganon na ren sya sa aken.... kung di nga lang ako naging babae baka naiuwi na ako nun sa bahay nila and baka lahat ng gawaing pang brusko eh i! pagawa na nun sa ken eh..... pero cyempre mukha pa ren naman akong babae noh!!

highskul cyempre may pr om.... wala cyang date, wla ren ako.... i know that he wanted to invite me to be his date pero ang ogag nga kasi nun kaya the last minute tsaka lang sya nag-ask. he went to our house... nakamotorpo sya and medyo pawisan pero infairness.... mabango pa ren....

he ask my permission to see my dress for the prom.... cyempre para maloka sya sa aken at may konting surprise... i refuse.... o sige, medyo na frustrate sya pero hindi yon naging hadlang para invite nya ko.... sa ganda ko na to..... cyempre ang dami munang pa-echeng.... hanggang sa tanungin nya ako kung may date na ba me.... e kung di ba naman siya abnormal eh.... papayag ba akong makipagdate sa iba eh sya lang ang gusto ko.... lam mo yon... sarap sampalin.... so in short, papilit pa ba ako? syempre.....

the night of my life came, i was so pretty sabi ng nan! g-uuto kong nanay... pero naniwala lang ako nang sya na ang nagsabi.... blush ako ever.... kahit alam kong maganda ako since birth(hehehehe) iba pa ren yung sa kanya galing diba?

we enjoyed that night and lalo ko lang napatunayan sa sarili ko na mahal ko na pala ang hinayupak na bestfrend ko......

syempre ano pa ba ang sunod na event sa prom kundi ang graduation na db? the night before the graduation, we talked on the phone na para bang it would be the last time na maririnig namen ang boses ng isat-isa..... ive waited for the moment na mabanggit nya na may feelings din sya and hindi naman ako nagkamali.... tinanong nya ako kung may possibilty daw na maging kame.... i know na maiinis kayo sa ken dahil alam nyo ba ang sagot ko? ah, eh.... hindi pwede kase bestfrends tayo eh.... yung mga anak na lang naten yung ipag-partner naten.... sa isip-isip ko.... ang tanga! pano ko nasabi ang ganong words? pero wala na akong magagawa..... alam namang

bawiin ko pa eh di nahuli naman ako db? pe ro ang tanga ko talga....

cyempre college na.... im so proud to say na napunta naman ako sa magandang school and take note... pareho kame ng skul..... ano to? kailangan bang ituloy ang naudlot na pagmamahalan namen?.... hehehe....

nagkaboyfriend ako for a year and a half.... minahal ko sya pero there are these conflicts and problems na di na kayang ayusin.... in short.... nagbreak kame.....

i guess god meant that to happen kasi yon din yung time na nagkita kame ng bestfrend ko..... sa sobrang miss namen ang isa't-isa.... sabay na kameng umuwi, kumain, pumasok..... im happy pero parang lalo ko lang pinahirapan ang sarili ko dahil my feelings for that guy grows each and everytime that we are together... buti na lang magaling akong magtago at magpigil.... hehehe.... bilib kayo noh?.....

one morning, im so busy preparing my project t! hat would be pass on that same day.... alam kong dumati ng na sya at nasa likuran ko na ang mokong pero dahil sobrang pressure sa project.... gusto ko man syang dambahan... cyempre mamayang gabi na lang di ba? hehehe.... di ko sya masyadong napansin.....

may inabot syang sulat sa aken and he asked if i could join him sa lunch.... i said yes.... then, alis na cya.... alam naman kc nyang im busy..... when i was about to enter the room, somebody bumped me and my precious project fell... gusto ko mang magalet... what can i do db? instead i ask my prof to give me another chance to do my project....

naalala ko si mokong.... the lunch date.... kinuha ko ang cell ko to text him that i cant come to our meeting.... e kaso.... pag tinamaan k nga naman ng malas.... check operator service daw.... i tried to look for friends or other kakilala pero malas that day talaga....

and so i took my lunch all by my self.... naalala ko yung letter.... hinanap ko sa bag... WALA !!!! bumalik me sa corridor praying na andon pa yung sulat.... wala ren.... god! why? minsan lang magbigay ng sulat yon.... nawala pa.... dont know how to tell him about the letter....

and so days and weeks passed, pag nagkikita kame... di nya ako pinapansin... ako, i tried to talk to him pero alam kong may kasalanan ako pero ganon ba kalaki ang nagawa kong di pagpunta at ganon na lang ang iwas nya?... sige... hinayaan ko na lang.... months na ang binilang... i heard that he was dating a girl from the same school that we are in... masakit.... na sa iba ko pa narinig na sila na.... mas masakit na wala na akong halaga sa kanya.....

basta... ilang araw din yon na ganon ang nararamdaman ko.... weeks.... months.... gagraduate na po ako.... i wonder what's instore for me in my last day in school.... and so i thought na puntahan yung favorite hang out namen.... when i was! about to get near the place.... i saw him... with the girl.... umiiyak ang bruha but i cant hear what they are talking about.... so ive decided to get out of that place before my tears burst out.... and then a common frend ang sumalubong sa aken.... saying na buntis ang

girl.... syempre.... durog na durog ang puso ko.... kung kaya nyo lang ma-imagine yung naramdaman ko.....

the night of that same day.... naloka ang lola nyo.... nagparamdam ang mokong pagkaraan ng pagkatagal-tagal na panahon... i thought it was something good for me... for us.... pero i was wrong.... so wrong..... he gave me a wedding invitation and isa ako sa bridesmaids..... the girl... she was waiting in the car.... o db? dati motor lang ngaun... car na....

and so the wedding came.... maganda po ako nun.... sabi ng nanay ko pero wala ng nagsecond the motion eh.... so naniwala na lang ako sa nanay ko.... then, there was this professor who came to see! me.... he handed over a letter with my name carefully printed on the enveloped.... he said that he looked for the owner of that letter kaso lang po malaki po ang skul namin kaya mahirap magkahanapan db? and so nung nakita nya ang name ko sa invitation, he decided to bring the letter thinking that it could save

souls... daw....

and so i was about to open the letter when the priest ask kung sino dawang tututol... dedma ako.... alam namang manggulo pa ko noh....

binasa ko na ang letter..... nakakatouch po talaga.... he opened up his feelings for me.... hoping na meron din daw akong feelings for him.... he ask that if i will show up to our hang-out the next day after he gave his letter, then it means that i also have feelings for him and that he would love me for the rest of our lives.... but if i wont.... then he will never open that topic again.... he pleaded to me na sana pumunta ako...

if only i have that letter.... if only i knew about it.... kung di lang ako clumsy and carelss to keep that letter... things would be diffrent.... if only.....

and so i heard the priest announced the couple as husband and wife.... ang sakit......

picture taking..... gusto mang sumabog ng nararamdaman ko.... as you know.... magaling akong magpigil.... pero masakit po talaga.... sobra......

after the picture taking...... niyakap ako ng bestfrend ko.... anghigpit.... and teary eyed nyang cnabi na....

i still love you.......

"PARANG MAY KULANG SA BUHAY KO...."

thoughts — Wed, 23 Mar 2005 11:59:17 +0000

nagising nalang ako isang umaga, naramdaman ko parang may kulang.kumain ako ng almusal, nakusap ko na lahat ng tao sa bahay, pero bakit ganito parang ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. pumasok ako sa trabaho nagiisip parin muntik na nga akong matisod sa kakaisip lang nito. tinanong nako ng mga katrabaho ko, ano ba meron sakin bakit ang tamlay ko. sabi ko hindi ko alam, di ko maintindihan. alam mo ba yung pakiramdam na parang may malaking butas sa sarili mo, tipong merong kilangang makapuno? yun ang naramdaman ko nung araw na yun, gusto ko na ngang sumigaw, magwala, malay ko ba kung ano lang ito. pero hindi ko ginawa, hindi naman dapat. mga bandang tanghali pagkatapos ng tanghalian, tumawag siya, lam mo na siya, yung lalaking minahal ko buong buhay ko pero iniwan ako para sa ibang tao, wala lang nagamusta lang labas daw kami pagkatapos ng trabaho, nagisip ako ng mabuti, kung papayag ako o hindi, naisip ko ano ba namang masama, nasa malayo naman nagtatrabaho ang girlfriend niya, parang malalaman diba? natapos ang araw sobrang excited ako, sinundo niya ako sa trabaho, kumain kami, nagusap, binalik ang nakaraan, sabi ko nalang wag nang pagusapan may buhay na siya, masaya narin ako sa buhay ko, kaibigan nalang maibibigay ko, ang drama pa nga sabi niya mahal pa daw niya ako, kumpara bako sa bago, mas mabait daw ako, mas maintindihin, mas understanding, sabi ko nga aba eh bakit mo sakin sinasabi yan, ano ito bolahan, natawa lang siya kahit hindi nakakatawa, nainis nga ako di ko nalang pinakita, pero kahit na nag usap kami nandun parin yung malaking butas nararamdaman ko parin, hanggang sa naisip ko baka kulang lang ako ng pagtawag sa kanya, pero hindi naman kse madalas ako tumatawag sa kanya, siguro namn kilala niyo na kung sino yun. naglalakad nakami pauwi, papunta sa auto niya, nakalimutan ko kahit sandali ang kulang na nararamdaman. napatawa pako sa mga biro niya, napalo ko pa nga sa kakatawa. biglang naring ang cellphone ko...kapatid niya umiiyak, sabi ko bakit kasama ko kuya mo, pauwi na kami. bigla siyang natahimik, tinanong ko bakit, at dahan dahan niyang sinabi.. "pano nangyari yun eh si kuya nadisgrasya, na total wreck sasakyan niya..ate patay na siya" nabigla ako hindi ko maintindihan pano nangyari na patay na siya eh kasama ko pa??? pag harap ko sa likod ko..nandun parin sha, ganun parin suot niya pero duguan na..napaluha ako, ngumiti lang sha at sinabi na... "naramdaman mo na ba yung pakiramdam na parang may kulang hindi mo maintindihan kung bakit?" napa oo nalang ako habang patuloy na lumuluha.. "papunta ako sayo ngayon, dahil gusto kung sabihin na ikaw pala yun, yung kulang sa buhay ko..gusto ko na sana pakasal tayo..pero diba sabi ko naman sayo kahit anong mangyari gusto ko bago ako mamatay ikaw ang nasa tabi ko" tapos bigla nalang siyang nawala..bumigat lalo pakiramdam ko,napaupo ako sa lapag, wala nalang akong nagawa kung hindi umiyak..bakit kung kailan lahat ng sinabi niya tama sa pandinig ko, hangin nalang ang lahat ng ito...

"People may not remember exactly what you did or what you said but theywill always remember how you made them feel."

XXXDISCLAIMERXXX:

A friend of mine sent me this story...i guess this would teach each of us to appreciate the value of today, coz it might be too late tomorrow...